Monday, January 9, 2012

Miss Understood

I've always been gregarious & very vocal about my opinion. At the same time I know where to draw the line & not to offend anyone. Well, at least I try... ;)
Last night I had a conversation with my husband - during one of our quality time we spend with each other. We take this time to talk about everything under the sun & should we have an issue to bring up, we will TALK about it then.

One of the things which he brought up was the fact that I keep a distance with people who misunderstood me.

My theory is if I try to be nice to you & you take the opposite road, you make me not want to be in your way. So it's not really my fault really. :)

See, the thing is, my life has evolved - from a carefree party girl (who has a high paying job on top of a ladder) to being a mommy of two little babies (and my own company to run). At both time, I've always had lesser time in hand but I still give out more time to others..

When I wasn't married or have children, my job was the biggest responsibility for me. Therefore I did have time to still entertain people's stupidity.

At the moment, my hands are full. So I didn't try hard these days to fulfill everyone's wish to get the satisfaction to put me down & having to pull myself back up again. I know I'm tough like that.  Time's up!!! Those days are over!

My priority these days is clear. I don't have time for people's game. I made life simple for myself & I like it that way.

Remember I said I do my best not to offend people - well, the guilty will be offended about me writing this but heck if I can't even have freedom of speech here, it's not really a blog is it? And I bet the rest of you are dying to know anyway. So guilty people - bear with it. Read & learn.

For example, I'm not the favorite with my hubby's side. And I don't have a problem with it.

There are bigger things in life than struggling to be on other people's 'favorite' book. I know I am a good person & I am no ordinary typical woman which makes it hard for people to accept most times.

But I am me & I'm not sorry for who I am. My parents brought me up very well. I lived in a luxurious environment but I was never spoilt. Many cringe listening to how much I have to "work to earn" my own bicycle when I was 5. And yet, they must have taught me well enough because on the way to the bicycle shop, we came across a homeless woman & I gave up my savings (meant to buy the bicycle) to that woman. Nobody pressured me to that & yet at 5, I was thinking for others.

As I grow up, what I was taught never left me. I am still doing a lot of charity work & volunteering whenever I have the chance.

Because I grew up without parents from the age of 9, (Read "One bright light") it makes me a stronger person & more straight forward. I have little time to go around the bush.

Sometimes in life you can't help but wonder how people really think.

One good example was 5 years ago, before the kids, the wedding & after our engagement party.

I was thrilled that my husband's brother was coming over for our engagement party. I wanted to get to know him better. He's my husband baby brother & I wanted those intimate times of sitting down in front of the fire (not when I'm in Singapore of course), and laugh about all the silly stories they had while growing up. See... that was the plan.

Somehow or rather, my appreciation for  family was too naive. Maybe because I didn't grow up having any.
Anyway, my bro-in-law came & we had the party and although I wasn't too impressed by what was going on here, I gave him the benefit of the doubt & learned to like him.

Fast forward 2 weeks & he was back home. Everything was fine. Silly me ... I decided to write an email to my bro-in-law & his wife thanking him for his attendance at our engagement party & thanking both for the gift they got us - which I really like.

I wrote the email to him & CC to his wife. A week later I heard from my mother in law that his wife was bitching about how I only thank my bro-in-law & that it was unacceptable since she was the one who went shopping for the engagement gift.

Naturally I was shocked! I didn't know writing a thank you email would get me into this trouble. Maybe that's why my husband didn't bother to write one in the first place.

My good intentions was misconstrued out of proportion so much so that I was appalled that it could even be a problem!!!

Hang on, she was in the CC. What did I do wrong? When you write a CC, it basically means it's for both parties. Oh no,no,no ...  it's still not acceptable since I didn't CLEARLY say thank you only to her.

Whoa!!! Ok.... that's new. I know then that there is an issue here. And it's probably not me. Maybe she's getting nervous about another daughter in law coming into the picture. Maybe she's threatened that her warm & too comfortable spot with my mother in law would be replaced. Whatever it was, I didn't like to deal with other people's insecurities.

My solution is simple. If a thank you email can get me into this mess, then expect no email or news from me. Reason - if trying to build a bridge & it ended up with the bridge being burned down even before the construction is finished at the other end, then maybe to keep peace, it's best not to build a bridge in the first place.

So 5 years and 2 kids later, I still didn't try. My mother in law knows that probably damage is done. Maybe it's too late. The thing is I have been misunderstood & yet I didn't dwell about it or try to rectify the situation since I don't see it's worth the effort.

Eventually, it's my martyrdom apparently. Somehow they built a perception about me & stuck to it. And yes, I couldn't be bothered to waste my time on it to explain my innocence

Not the first time I have been misunderstood ....