The 40th Birthday Party

Two weeks before my best friend X turned 40, I was on WHATSAPP (an app on most smart phones- internet based sms) with a friend of mine who was on holiday in a beautiful resort in Philippines. They were sending through pictures, basically stirring us up coz they were having such a good time! ;)

The thing about WHATSAPP is that, anyone who has your number in their contact can check if you are ONLINE or not. Apparently while I was online and was looking through the pictures of the resort  with my husband, my best friend’s girlfriend, Julia was checking on her boyfriend. He was online. He was chatting with some friends in Germany. She must have checked my status when she saw him online & went berserk when she noticed that I was online too.

Apparently, she stormed into their home office where he was & started screaming at him saying that he was wanking as he was chatting with me. He managed to push her out of the room and locked himself in the office. That was when we received a WHATSAPP message from X saying that Julia saw that both of us were online & assumed we were chatting and therefore we were having an affair. My husband laughed out loud. He couldn’t believe history is repeating itself. “When is he gonna learn that this woman is just insane??!”

I wasn’t sure how to react. My husband said tell him to stop writing and let her cool down since we were sure she is checking on our status. We told our friends to stop sending those pictures so that I can be offline for a while while this crazy woman calmed down.

X called us and told me to warn my husband that Julia is going to call him and convinced my husband that we are having an affair. I said I’m really not worried since my husband knows exactly what I’ve been up to & he knows I would never cheat on him anyway. X said that Julia will find a way to make sure that my marriage crumbles. I said “Why? Because she thinks you are not faithful she has to attack another relationship? Strange behaviour.”

X sounded pretty frightened. And apparently they had a big argument after that. It blew out of proportion to a point that X became overly depressed. He was turning 40. For some reason men became overly emotional (My husband included) when they are turning 40. It seems to be a big deal. He was in such a dilemma and very depress that the woman he is in love with is doing everything to make him hate her more and more. She continuously attacked his intention and his plans.

Seeing that his girlfriend has no intention of being involved in his SPECIAL birthday, he was close to calling everything off. We managed to talk to him to not be alone on his birthday. And so he started to invite people to his birthday seeing how his girlfriend showed no interest whatsoever to be a part of the planning process. Later that evening she found out that he has started to invite people without discussing with her. A contradiction to an earlier claim that she didn’t care who is in his guest list. Suddenly she got offended and accused him of not caring about how she feels. If she would have it her way, only her friends are invited to his arty and none of his friends are welcome. X said its impossible since he wants people who he cares about to be there.

They had another full blown argument 4 days before the party. Apparently because the 3 girls she hated (one of them is me) would be at her boyfriend’s party. She wasn’t happy with that. X insisted that the guest list will not be changed. I did offer to not attend to help simmer the situation but no, X insisted that we attend his special day.

As expected, a day before his party, she did something MAGICAL. She called the venue of his party for him. And you can imagine how little she does for him because he got so excited that she did that for him. Apparently since then, she gave him a massage, treating him like a king cooked him birthday breakfast and as USUAL, X sunk into the same spot as always. In her grip. One thing that turned out good –he had a very happy 40^th birthday celebration.:)

How was the party?  It was great. All his friends were there and we were having so much fun. Julia made it very obvious that I wasn’t welcome. I went to her anyway and kissed both cheeks while she rolled her eyes and completely showed me that it was her boyfriend’s party and she didn’t want me there. When I moved to kiss her left cheek, she quickly pretended to wave to the waiter frantically and proceed to talking to the waiter as if we were done… Wow!

Have you watched the movie THE MEAN GIRLS? Ya, it was a high school thing and my gosh that was happening then. I had to smile because I thought it was so funny!! Except for one thing – I am the popular one and her wanting to be mean to the popular girl wouldn’t do her any good. She is the one who has been avoiding X’s friends so not many people were even trying to talk to her and she wanted to snub me??? Wrong move!

I let her be. My husband was laughing out loud when Julia openly bitched about me to another girl and pointing at me…. He was like “This is so hilarious! So kindergarten” 

I was glad that my husband noticed that. Otherwise he thought I was trying be resentful! X wasn’t aware what was happening. He was drunk. He was having a good time. He was all good. Meanwhile, Julia was making sure that she went around taking pictures without me in it. And when I wanted to snap the group picture (Which I wasn’t in) she said no need to take the picture – not required. My husband saw that too and was like “Wow! Bitchy!”

One thing for sure, that was the first time I have ever saw Julia as such. Imagine this, Julia is blond wit gorgeous big blue eyes. Flawless skin. Requires very little make up. She’s almost as perfect as a Barbie doll. It’s very difficult for me to imagine her being violent or harsh. Very very difficult. The only stories I heard were from X and I’ve openly told him that I’ve never seen her in action so it was a bit difficult to even think she’s like that.

But that evening, my husband and I finally saw the rottenness of a real beauty. I finally realise that you can be so perfectly beautiful outside and be so terrible inside. I finally saw the real deal and I could only imagine what X had to go through. She’s very lucky that X is so forgiving (and forgetful – that kindda help a lot)

What she did the whole night was unreal. It didn’t affect my night since I had a blast with the rest of my friends! We all love each other and we had so much fun while she was sitting miserable trying to corner one by one and tried to tell them what a terrible person I am. They all turned back to her and said “Are you talking about her???? We love her! She’s our good friend! She’s done a lot for us.”

Funny enough that hit her hard. Because it’s not in her nature to do anything for her friends or her boyfriend for that matter. She must have sense that X was already questioning about the relationship and was contemplating of having a party without her. That was when she stepped in and became a true angel to him the whole weekend. Making him entwined into another possibility again.

I made sure that X wasn’t next to me for too long., I moved away. When he sat next to me I know she was watching my every move and she wasn’t happy that everyone else was enjoying my company. How can a person be so screwed up?? Especially someone that beautiful! How can she not have faith in her own boyfriend?

Funny enough, her bestfriend was there too.. Yes the same bestfriend who tried to kiss him and was upset when he didn’t go home with her! How screwed up was this? Too Hollywood if you ask me! But it’s not my style to judge someone’s choice of path in life. At the end of the day, her bestfriend was chatting me up and realised that I’m not such a bad person as she was told. Duh! The truth always surfaced.

At the end of the day, we said goodnight. X held me a little longer and said “Never ever give me up. You are the best friend I’ve ever had. I’m so lucky to have you.” I just hugged him back, wished him happy birthday and let my husband hug him goodbye after that.

We left. And I was quiet the whole journey back. My husband squeezed my hand. “I saw what happened. Don’t worry”

My Drunk Bestfriend

You would have thought that at some point of time, during your life, you would learn your mistakes and not to repeat it again. Mine has always been ME! MYSELF and I? I’ve always been a gregarious person. I am friendly to everyone – even the cleaners on the road!

I have no problem socialising with anyone and my husband said that most times it is quite difficult to not like me, unless of course it’s another woman with similar characteristics and therefore feeling threatened.

Here’s my issue many many times ago – My best friends are usually men. And they somehow always ended up falling in love with me. Wait… before you judge me, I have not done it intentionally. Neither am I so full of myself. I think I’m ordinary in terms of looks but I think it’s the way I talk that wins it all. At least that’s what I was told.

Everything I did or wrote (sms, whatsapp, email,etc) is known to my husband and if it was inappropriate, my husband would have told me. Time & again I would ask my husband where I’ve gone wrong. Time and again my husband just sigh and said “It’s just you. Don’t worry about it”

I am worried. I’ve always grown up among many boys. Thus the reason I’m more comfortable with boys than girls. As expected I do not have the traits of a typical lady. I hate shopping, I don’t like to go for manicure, pedicure…I would be bored sitting there if I have to wait for my hair to get done. While it didn’t influence my sexual orientation (I still like men!) I am somehow described as men’s best friend  (No, I’m not a bitch) coz I sort of think like them too.

When I was 18, my childhood friend one day told me that he was interested to be more than just best friends. I have no idea about love since I never allowed that to happen. He said it would be fun since we already know each other inside out.

And so we tried. It failed dramatically. And he never want to hear from me ever again. Honestly, it was because I couldn’t stop seeing him as a best friend and giggled when we try to be intimate. He would be the one person who up till today , I know would “die for me”. He loved me with all his heart and expected the same. I couldn’t give him that and had I known how painful it was for him, I would have done things differently. I would say no to his idea of trying to be more than best friends. Coz I know he loved me with all his heart and he doesn’t deserve not to be loved back. He deserves more. As a result, I lost my best friend. I still wish I have him in my life today.

When I was 21, after moving into career life, again I had a best friend who didn’t tell me for 2 years that he was in love with me. Those 2 years I was attached & I confided in him whenever I had an argument with my boyfriend at that time. He was sweet. He was nice. He was also attached. So I didn’t think very much of it. One day, I was going to be posted in another country and he drove all the way from the chalet he was at (With his girlfriend in the car who obviously had no idea why he drove to my place), just to tell me that he had feelings for me & that I shouldn’t go.

That was awkward. His girlfriend was in the car and my boyfriend was in the house!!! I said we should talk about that tomorrow. He came at 8 pm the next day and he said let’s take the boat & talk. So we did. While it was just the two of us (which now when I really think about it was a stupid idea!!) He talked about his feelings and what he envisioned his life to be. With me in it! He also tried to kiss me. I said I was still attached and I was already going through a situation whereby I had to decide with my boyfriend at that time what to do with regards to the distance we would have…. And now come another problem. I said no to him. And the ride back to shore seemed the longest. He cried and every time I tried to hold him and calm him down as a best friend that we were, he tried to kiss me. He took it differently. In the end I had to resort to sitting the opposite end of the boat which he resented saying I made him feel like a complete disease. What other choice do I have??? I didn’t want to complicate the situation. He dropped me off that night, kissed my cheeks & said goodbye. I never heard from him again. I left the country without saying goodbye to him. He changed his number, he changed his job, and I asked his mom about him (his mom loves me too & still in touch with me up till today) he told his mom that I should not hurt him more. That cut me deep. How the hell did this happen?? “It’s just you.”

Today I have 2 kids, he has one kid, we are both married and yet whenever he knows I was in that country and would visit his mom, he would cancel his trip so he doesn’t need to see me. His mom asked me “Do you think he Is still in love with u?” I don’t know. But he has a wife now. Why is he still scared of seeing me?  He must hate me so much now.

When I was 27, similar thing happened again. I befriended a friend and soon we hang out and have pizzas together and watch movies together with our friends too. We have never had any dates. Except for occasional breakfast he dropped at my office, then he would stay for 15 min and we talked a bit before he ran off to his office. Our conversation was straightforward and there wasn’t a chance that people would think we were together.

On Valentine’s Day he asked if I had a date and I said no. He said he doesn’t either. He said we both need to eat dinner, should we go grab something? I said why not?? I wasn’t even dressed up because he said “grab something!” but he was….so I was like “whoaah,that’s very classic. Are u trying to woo me or something?!” I laughed. And he replied “why not?” I jumped into the car and continued talking stupidly like he was my brother. He listened very carefully each time but that night  he looked at me adoringly.. he had his sly smile.

At the dinner table, he asked if we should try. And me being me, I blurted out saying he was more like a brother for me! And I laughed. How insensitive was I??? Damn bitch! He didn’t finish his food …while I did. What? It was good food and I was really hungry!

We had a little walk home. He said I’ve hurt him really deep. I said if not hurting him means accepting the proposal to be his girl, that wouldn’t be fair for me. I never did think of him romantically and it’s hard to just switch on that mode. I told him that I do not want more since that would mean we might not work and we would lose each other as best friends. He said I’ve already lost him. He walked me home and he avoided me since then. I lost yet another good person in my life.

So what happened? According to my husband, “It’s just you”.

3 years ago, I met this friend of mine. He was attached to one of my friend. It was a big roller coaster between the two of them and eventually my friend decided to end the relationship. X had no one to turn to so my husband became his confidante. They talked a lot and he was always at our place. I’m very blunt with him and he saw how I am with my husband and my kids and he saw my two pregnancies and how I didn’t change a bit. Even when I was huge at 9  months I was still joking around and happy. At some point, my husband wasn’t available. So I became his confidante. By then he has met someone and this relationship was crazier than the last! His lady was very jealous and he wasn’t able to take it. Too many times he came running to our place and seek refuge because once she was even being violent at him.

I’m older now, so I’m calmer and I thought I wouldn’t be attracting too much trouble either. X & me became best friends and my hubby even told me that if at some point if he wasn’t around , we can count on X to be there for me. No problem at all. He’s always over at our place for dinner and is always playing with our kids. He’s almost part of the family. We always tell everyone we are siblings from a different mother! ;)

A month ago, he got really drunk. From what I gathered, he had another huge fight with his girlfriend and he was wondering if I would come over because he needed me then. My husband had a day trip & was expected to arrive home at 1am so I said no. I’ve never been to his place ever – more because of the jealous lion! So why would I go now? I said I want to wait for my husband.

Then he started ranting about being there for him.

X:            I am really happy we are friends

Me:         You should be happy and honoured because I choose my friends carefully

X:            You are a bit too attractive & sexy but what about  you being my sister?

Me:          I’ll always be your sister

X:            Hmm…naaaw. Too sexy to be my sister. Well, you will never really be my 
               sister. I will always see the woman in you.

Me:          Only when you are drunk!

X:            Possibly so. Anyhow, I think you & I should try to stick together. Whatever it is.
               You are crazy but you are a good person. With a big heart. Maybe I’m crazy as
               well. I love your craziness. I love you!

              (Pause for  min)

Me:         Have u passed out yet?

X:           No. Still here…. (Pause) Just stay with me.

Me:         Hmm, it’s confirmed you are very drunk

X:            Yes! But I still mean every word….. Hey nothing should change between the
              two of us. Promise?

Me:         Ok. I’ll be the friend that you need.

X:           I’m serious. I meant everything.

Me:         I know you do

X:            Kind of strange, isn’t it?

Me:         That you are telling me all these only when you are drunk? Many people do silly
               things when they are drunk. Don’t worry

X:            No! Really! You are very special to me. And you are even very special to my
               mom. I don’t feel that I am any special to you like that. It doesn’t matter.

               (Silence for another 2 min)

Me:          Still there?

X:            You were there so many times and I thank you for that! I just wish one day I
               could make it up to you

Me:        Just continue to be my bestfriend. That’s enough for me. And keep my secrets
              to  death. And do not fall in love with me.

X:           Too late already! But I’ve accepted the fact that I have no chance. Everything I
              just said I am happy to share with Julia. If she doesn’t understand, I don’t care.

Me:         Please don’t say that. I don’t want to lose you as my bestfriend. We had a good
              run! Stay that way.

X:           Nobody knows the future. It’s not relevant now. I just want to tell you that I’ll  
              always be there for you. We need more time together.. People already know 
              we are close but nobody understands. Maybe even I don’t. And I told you things
              I   before promised I would never tell anybody? Why? I trust you like hell! Why 
              do I do that?? I don’t know. I just feel it. Who are you? Where do u come from?
              I have no answer.

Me:        I’m still your bestfriend.

X:          Just in case I haven’t said enough, I will always be there for you. You can rely on
              me. No matter what. I am not sure why I say that but I feel that.

              (Silence … gulping)

              Can we be more than just friends?

Me:        Yes you are my bestfriend instead of being just friends

X:           I’m so unsure. You are so nice to everybody. You are always out there helping
              everyone. I don’t know whether I’m any special but you need to know that you
              are special to me. I mean it. You were there in so many difficult situations. I 
              appreciate so much. You are very special and even Julia knows that. Probably 
              the reason she hates u. It’s not even your fault. I’m sorry.

It went on and on. Eventually I told him to go to sleep as I knew he was pretty drunk. I thought after that, that it was a great idea not to be there at that time.

Anyway, the next day, he said asked if I was ok. I said yes. Nothing changes at my end. He said he meant what he said and I said ok. And we moved on talking as per normal. A day after that, probably realisation caught up with him and probably he felt slightly embarrassed? I don’t know.

He started to write lesser and lesser. That same week, I went thru  a lot. The house hunting, this and that. And he wasn’t responding much so I didn’t tell him that I needed to talk to someone. 2 weeks after that he asked if I was ok. I said no and I snapped and said that “How would u know? U didn’t even bother to ask??”

That was when he told me that he was going thru hell. Apparently his girlfriend went wild and literally attacked him many times. Again I got concerned. He said he is fine. He seems to be different. He doesn’t want me too involved anymore. So I backed off.

Our friendship has gone a little cold. We used to be inseparable but these days, he said he needs to protect himself first. I don’t know what that means? From his girlfriend? From me? I let it be…..

I do love him.... but not like that. I love him like a brother. :(