Monday, June 30, 2014

Missing my past life ...

Who am I? Too many times I wonder where I would be in life if I didn’t change my friends, my lifestyle, etc. 

A long time ago, I frequent a cafe with my friends back then. One day an old man whom I noticed been there every time I was there told me something strange 

“Young lady, you are meant to be something bigger than this. Don’t waste your time. These so called friends are an obstacle for what you really can be.  They do not support progress and instead you degress to be at their level … just to be their friends. You are who you hang out with and I can say with experience that you are definitely hanging out with the wrong friends.”

How did I react? I thought he was just crazy. I went home that day and surprisingly i was genuinely thinking over the things he said. The next day, I found out i got accepted into one of the best company at that time. But it was in another town.  I went to my friends to make the announcement but I was welcomed by a solemn greeting. They were not happy for my success. They questioned my friendship and if I would leave town and sacrifice them for a fantastic job. They made me feel so guilty. As if I was a bad person. My happy news was dampened quickly. 

That night, I thought things through. We didn’t have handphone back then (though I’m not that old yet ;) ) . I called them one by one on a public phone telling them that I was leaving town for the job. Most of them hang up… 

I didn’t give up. I was sure that our friendship would live the test of time and distance. I continued writing to them (yes, letters! I swear I’m not that old!) I came back every off time I got. And it was only when I broke up with my boyfriend I realised that there wasn’t any worth of this friendship. They didn’t like the idea of me breaking up and wanted me to stay with him even though he has been cheating on me. That was when I realised that maybe they are indeed not true friends. I left. 

That was 2005. I went on life without real friends for 2 years. . I am very sociable in nature so making friends are not a real problem but I don’t trust people that much anymore and I didn’t let anyone close to me. 

It’s 2014 now. I found myself searching for them on Facebook. Seeing their pictures, their weddings that i missed, their babies, their lives. And the strangest thing was that the ones who weren’t there for them through thick and thin were there for their wedding and I wasn’t. A little heavy stone fell straight to the bottom of my heart. One side of me want to contact them to say hi.  They probably will not appreciate seeing me. 

I left. For good reasons. I felt betrayed and I know that I wouldn’t go anywhere with them in my life. I know I wouldn’t grow as a person and I wouldn’t want that. I wouldn’t be able to reach the peak of my career like I did. Today, I can say I live a financially free life. I have everything I need. A car, a boat, a nice house in front of the sea, kids, a wonderful husband, very loyal friends around me … I really am grateful for what I’ve got around me now.  It didn’t come easily. I worked hard to climb the corporate ladder till I reached the top and had no where to go. Then I build a company. Mould it into a successful one, sell it. Started another one. So on and so forth. 

I also do a lot of charity and volunteer job so before you label me a snob rich brat, I have you know I am probably the most humble one you have ever known.  Should I contact them? 

No comments:

Post a Comment