Monday, June 30, 2014

History bites back!

I wouldn't believe it even if I tell u.

It's basically got something to do with my memory. The hypnotherapy they did have since faded off so I can suddenly remember everything from my past.

They took 10 yrs to get me over my self blame issue over my parents death & they did well to turn me into a jovial happy girl thru hypnotherapy - something like hypnotizing me to not feel the emotional pain of my loss.

Unfortunately the memory was unlocked somehow starting last week.

I became this hurt girl again from the time when I was 9yrs old. When I was fresh in Australia and abused by everyone in an orphanage in Australia.

You can imagine how tough it was for my husband to see me hating Australian all over again. I sleep walk and sleep talk literally to what I was traumatized about and my husband literally re-lived what I went through. Almost every night.

The lack of sleep plus the gruesome memory made me a different person.

Gucci (my friend) was complaining abt this and that. I just stared at her, thinking "is she for real?!! Does she know how bloody lucky she is?!? Complaining like no tomorrow about something which is not even a problem to many! Does she want to know what a  real problem is??!!! "


So what happened after that? When she didnt stop complaining, something took over me. The usual me would smile and agree with her and be the good friend that I am. I would let her frustration out and just nod. But no, I was tired (of everything I guess), I have my own issues... A rich woman's issue is soooooo lame to me at that moment!

So I did what I did to my husband. I told her the cold hard truth. The truth is not exactly the nicest to hear. The truth hurts most times. I spared no emotions in telling her how the issue can be solved. I spared no mercy at all.

Why would I?! I was a wounded lion. And hearing a rhino complaining about a toothache while I have an open wound, of course I would pounce and attack!!

I was quiet on the way to the hospital and I told my husband not to come. I puked 3 times before session even begins.

I was nervous.
I was happy ( coz I wouldn't be wounded after that) I was sad ( coz those memories were apart of me and it'll depart away from me... Like a piece of me .. Gone ... Till it recurs again) I was angry (why it has to happen to me) I was disappointed (by the number of people I've pissed off for telling the whole truth)

My regular doctor wasn't there but he was so nice that he remembered  6 yrs ago when he did my session, he gave me a tub of Ben & Jerry while he was easing himself into my mind.

While he's not in town, he makes sure his replacement came in with a tub of Ben & Jerry & my file tucked under his arms. I thought that was sweet. I felt at ease that he genuinely cares.

So I spent the last 2 hours in a sub conscious world. Almost like I'm a dream. Now it's locked again, I don't think I'll be sleep walking, re-enacting what happened in my past or cry at the weirdest time anymore.

I'm also more aware that its nobody's fault that I had my past. It made me such irresistible person that I am now Hahahahaha. !

Gucci haven't spoken to me since our talk. At this point, I'm questioning a lot of things in my life.

Last night I said I need to change something. 

One bestfriend , I planned to let go so his wife doesn't kill him. ;) I don't really like the idea since I now have to kill him since he knows a lot of my secret!! Just kidding.

And Gucci probably is a little too opposite of me to really compliment my potential in life as a friend. So I'll put up a post tomorrow and see who is free to come for interview to replace these two bestfriends of mine.

U like my idea so far? Hahaha

PS: This was written a year ago. Just noticed it wasn't published. Publishing it now. 

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